


Explaining James T. Kirk

by Spirit_catcher



Category: Star Trek
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 05:56:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13874595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spirit_catcher/pseuds/Spirit_catcher
Summary: Everyone seems determined to hate him, but there's GOT to be a reason he is the way he is.Wanted to try and explain WHY the nuTrek Kirk might be such a jerk and/or playboy. I saw the youtube deleted scenes, and physical abuse was actually suggested in one of the scenes.Come on, guys,someone give him a break. :petting: Spock's got to at some point, and he actually strangled himAnd you gotta love Dr McCoy!I figured Spock would rather be the big spoon and going against his Vulcan ways even more but seem a little more in control, rather than the small spoon and having the added indignity of being hugged by someone else.





	Explaining James T. Kirk

He supposed Spock had done the right thing, saying they were bondmates so they wouldn't be separated and paired up with total randoms. It seemed the people of this planet were big believers in soulmates, to the extent that they played match-maker with political prisoners such as themselves.

Still, it was in high discomfort that they let themselves be locked up. And Spock still had his hand.

"I apologise, but at the time it seemed preferable to separation."

"No, Mr Spock, you are quite right; we need to stick together if we're going to get out of here. Besides, sleeping on the same floor as you is going to seem like a doddle – I've been touched in worse ways by far too many people, far too many times, for no good reason. This, believe me, is a good reason. And hey, we might even have some chemistry."

He waggled his eyebrows. Spock purposefully turned away on the pretense of examining the degree of their captivity. A few seconds later and he had confirmed Kirk's private conclusion that they were screwed. Not in those words, of course.

There was nothing more to do but lay down.

"Would you rather be the big spoon or the little spoon?"

Kirk, laughing inside, was rewarded with a raised eyebrow and tightened mouth.

"Would you rather be me, like this," he explained, moving until his front was closely aligned with Spock's back, "or you, as you are in the middle of my, er, embrace?"

Spock considered for some time, choosing to overlook all the odd figures of speech rather than start a new disagreement.

"I would prefer your position", he finally conceded.

So they swapped, lying in silence. For once, Kirk was putting serious consideration into whether breaking such a silence would be a good thing. Just as he decided not to, Spock spoke into the semi-darkness.

"Earlier, you said you had been molested 'far too many times for no good reason'. By whom, may I ask?"

Kirk really had no idea why he didn't give this colleague a creative reason to mind his own business.

"Mom's boyfriend. Actually, a few of them. The last one – Frank – used to hit out, too. And unlike what Sam thought, I didn't have the knack of knowing just how to stay on his alright side. So I drove his car off a cliff. Which is a really long story", he added when he realised just how much he'd said.

Spock moved to rest his head on Kirk's neck. Kirk could feel those pointed ears – surprisingly warm – next to his own round ones.

There was a long pause.

"I appear to have made a hasty and somewhat inaccurate formation of judgement with you. You are not the person I thought you were. I see now why so many of your supervisors chose to see you in a different way to how I thought most people would. They said there was 'something more about you that they couldn't place'."

The old Jim Kirk kicked into gear before he could stop himself.

"What gives me the idea that that just cost you a lot to admit?" he asked, needling.

Spock's body heat withdrew from behind him. Kirk rolled forward and enveloped his head in his hands and arms.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, it's reflex now to – "

"I got to close."

The young captain nodded, then shifted in preparation for sleeping alone. Spock stopped him with a hand on his forearm. Kirk looked up at the contact, wary and clearly thrown by the move.

"We need to maintain close proximity if we are to continue with this façade. I no longer see you as I did before, so do not mind as much as I would if having to do this with someone else, but you will no doubt be in some distress. No matter how hard you try to retain the outward arrogance and social promiscuity you have had everyone else believe", he finished, forestalling any verbal defense Kirk might give.

Kirk was not sure where this was going at all.

Spock lay down beside him and reached out, still not as close as either of them (inwardly) would have liked.

"I will not hurt you."

Greatly surprising them both, Kirk turned and actually *cuddled* closer.

* * *  
[On bridge after rescue]

McCoy wasn't the only person to notice the new ease between Kirk and Spock.

"I'm apparently not a total arsehole", Kirk said, by way of explanation.

"Just a partial one, then", was the doctor's only rebuttal.

Kirk grinned and shared a look with Spock, whose eyes definitely had the glow of an otherwise well-repressed smile in them. McCoy finished making notes on his padd and looked up in time to see this.

"Jesus," he said, "what the hell happened to you two down there?"

Kirk took offence to that.

"Hey, I've always liked Spock!"

McCoy and Uhura shared an amused look.

"Fine," McCoy allowed, "then what happened to Spock down there?"

Everyone swivelled to look at the Vulcan.

"I reconsidered", he said finally.

Kirk sent Sulu a glare; he could've sworn the man – now grinning sheepishly – had just made a soft 'aw' noise.

\---

Subspace transmissions for personal reasons were rare, but once a year (or thereabouts) a brief update on close or immediate family could be anticipated. Uhura, sensing something amiss when one for the doctor came through, separated it from the mass she was assigning to the general ship database for access by anyone going through them on the off chance that they might find the odd letter addressed to them. Not that she thought anyone would open it, but there was something about it…

From there, she piped it down directly to the sickbay computer. If it wasn't good, and McCoy did want to share, she'd be one of the people who would find out in the long run.

"I can't believe she'd do this-"

"What, tell you?" Kirk asked as they joined Sulu, Uhura, Chekov and most of the senior command team for breakfast. Scotty put down a fork of what looked suspiciously like haggis, but before any of them could ask –

"My wife-"

"Ex-wife", Kirk cut in to correct.

"-has got someone to move in with her and my daughter. My daughter."

"Look, when was the last time you saw her? Joanna's a big girl now. She'd be, what, thirteen-?"

"Twelve." McCoy decided it was high time he had his turn in cutting his friend and superior off when neither of them was on duty.

"Fine, twelve. As I said, big girl now."

Uhura didn't feel it was her place to jump into the not-so-private conversation, but unlike the others she didn't think she could put her head down and pretend not to listen when it was quite obvious they were all doing so. And avidly, at that.

Kirk changed tactic to wearing a placating expression and waited for the now angry McCoy to run out of steam.

"What if he hurts her? That'd be my fault for leaving her, no matter what choice I didn't have! And what if-"

"Bones, believe me, kids are resilient. Joanna - "

The doctor didn't bother trying to disguise his snort of disbelief.

"And you've had what kind of experience with children? Besides being one, of course-"

"Can I just-"

"No. I'm her dad. And you have no idea-"

"I have no idea what? What I'd do if my stepdad had tried something with me? Do you really want to go there, Bones?"

Bones saw, too late, where this was going.

"Oh, Christ, Jim, why don't I know this-"

"Well, let me see what I did do", Jim went on, speaking over McCoy's concerned friend-doctor mode. "Once there was no need to use it to finely balance it with him letting my older brother stay under his roof, I think I made my first run for it. That was about the fourth time Frank tried something, I think, and I only let it go on so long because I thought it'd get Sam to stay. He ended up taking me in on Tarsus IV, anyway… Sam, that is…"

"Look, Joanna's gonna look after herself. If he tries something, she'll kick back. Now to you believe me when I say kids are resilient?"

His fury was near the surface; McCoy could see that from looking at his eyes. He looked over at Uhura, not actually sure why he was doing so. Jim looked at her, too, and seemed spurred on by the presence of her and his most of his senior command team. He turned back to McCoy.

"Your life is here now. Here, on the Enterprise, as my Chief Medical Officer. You're not with Joanna and your ex-wife anymore. We're both here."

He stood up abruptly and headed to the door of the senior mess hall, nearly spilling coffee on an entering Spock in his haste.

Spock watched him leave, then made his way over to the small group of silent bridge crew. He took particular note of the doctor, who had had his head in his hands for some time now.

"You have upset the captain."

McCoy's surprise – or lack of it – at Spock's usual neutral tone was almost entirely covered by the usual defensive raising of metaphorical hackles Spock had grown to expect whenever they encountered one another.

"Believe me, he had it coming."

Spock regarded him with a formidably closed expression.

"Nevertheless, we should go see to his welfare."

McCoy snorted once more.

"Spock, the state of his so-called welfare is not in question – I've just found out it was shot to space bits long ago, anyway. Whether I can actually do anything for him…"

Spock raised both eyebrows at the singularity that comment implied. He got a sceptical look in return.

"You and Kirk have hardly gotten along until a few months ago. What makes you think you can do something for him when his doctor and best friend of three years can't?"

Other than scrape his chair back and hurry after the Vulcan he was coming to so despise, McCoy couldn't think of anything else to do. He had to thwart Spock at whatever he was going to try with his best friend, dammit.

"Yeah, you hadn't thought this far ahead, had you?" McCoy couldn't help but gibe as he watched Spock serenely examine the security pad he had just pressed to request permission to enter.

Spock gave him a narrow sideways look. He turned his attention back to the door - still unanswered - and smoothly keyed in a set of numbers. Security override code. Dammit.

He half expected Spock to withhold entry from the doctor as a way of getting back. But the Vulcan was content to let the doctor follow him through.

Well, McCoy thought content, although he couldn't be sure if Spock was actually paying any attention to him at all now that Kirk lay metres way on a generic narrow cabin bed.

Curled up, protected in the foetal position. McCoy didn't think he'd ever seen anything so vulnerable since Joanna had brought home Magpie, the scruffy little kitten she'd found on the weekly trip he took her on to Rocky Gully.

He sighed. He supposed he'd known for a long time now that Jim was his new charge as a father.

"Jim."

McCoy started at that; he didn't think he'd ever hear Spock lower formal company standards enough to call his captain by his first name. He cleared his throat and looked away before Spock could grace him with one of those Vulcan not-glares.

His stance changed when he looked back in time to see Spock reaching out to touch Kirk's upper arm. Hissing, he lunged forward and pulled the Vulcan's whole body back by the wrist. He nearly went over backwards at the little resistance Spock gave.

"Jesus Christ, Spock! What in the name of do you think touching him's going to do in this state? He's most likely reliving every single little thing that absolute bastard did to him!"

Spock regarded him coolly.

"Whatever they were, they were hardly 'little' actions."

Suddenly the doctor realised something wasn't as he'd first thought. Spock noticed the subtle change in how the doctor was regarding the situation and the other's place in it. Under scrutiny once more, he instinctively lowered his gaze.

"Spock." He had to get him to look up.

"Yes, Doctor?"

"How much of that did you actually hear? You know, when you came into the mess hall as Jim was leaving."

Spock would not meet his eye.

"You already knew", said McCoy grimly, not sure whether to shake the Vulcan roughly by the shoulders or hit him. How could he have kept something when he should have at least been informed as the ship's CMO?

Spock let him finish hissing almost inaudibly before reaching out once more – this time for Kirk's face. Again, McCoy stopped him. Spock did not let himself be pulled away this time, though.

"He will not mind my touch. As a touch telepath, I might be able to help. Not to heal, no", he said, as McCoy made to interrupt, "but to live with them in this environment with his responsibilities until we return to earth in 4.2 years. We can then obtain counselling for him."

"I take it you say 'we' with the assumption he won't seek such help without insistence from others such as ourselves."

Spock nodded, giving him an odd, appraising look. It was as though he had been assessing the boundaries of McCoy's friendship territory with Kirk the whole time, and had found himself satisfied at the more than adequate level of care and concern McCoy had after all.

Spock was still looking at him, waiting for his approval. Or rather, McCoy suspected, his permission.

"Go on", he said gruffly, moving so he was in a position to pummel Spock (if it became necessary) and still be there for Jim should his friend acknowledge he needed him. He was closest to Kirk's head, and for the first time noticed that the young man – still turned away from them – was in such an aware state that he could have been listening to them for at least some of the time.

Good. Maybe he'd think a bit more the next time a situation arose in which he'd decide it was necessary to scare the shit out of him.

Spock did not spare him so much as a glance as he placed the fingertips of his right hand gently onto the meld points. Eyes already closed, a tense, inwards rush of breath interrupted his even breathing. He perceived Spock's muscles hardening and posture growing more and more rigid as he braced against the metal onslaught of the other mind.

Kirk breathed in, slowly at first, before a tiny hitch broke it. Spock had his hand enclosed in a clasp of his upper arm. McCoy thought it was like watching a drowned man awakening, still in the water.

"Are you okay?" Spock asked, his voice almost too quiet for McCoy to hear.

Kirk left his eyes open as his eyes roamed the face about him, then closed them and sighed. He made to move an arm so he could rub his face, but Spock frowned. At Kirk's 'What?' look, he let go of his wrists to allow him less restrictive movement. Spock's face was impassive, but Kirk wore an expression that was a strange mix of guilt, shame and something McCoy couldn't quite identify as having been worn by the man before.

McCoy was still incensed by the amount of touch Spock was being allowed to give. And how okay Spock seemed with that.

"It's okay, it's Spock. Spock's okay", said Kirk, as if he knew what he was thinking. McCoy hadn't realised he'd been noticed as present until now.

"Oh?" he found himself querying in a sceptical tone. After all, was this not the man who had, within hours of introduction, had a good go at strangling the insubordinate cadet?

Spock was once again fixated on a single spot, this time one of Kirk's shoulders. Kirk, seemingly amused, gave his trademark smirk in the direction of his bowed head. But people who worked with him were starting to see through it.

McCoy had seen enough. The doctor in him struggling to take control, he pulled over the swivel chair from Kirk's desk and sat down heavily. This was going to take some time…

"Right, let me get this straight. Not that you've said much, but I know you enough by now to know exactly what you expect me to do now. Like Spock already is for you, you expect me to just – "

"Just nothing." Kirk forced himself up to sit on the side of his bed in such an abrupt manner that even Spock was hard pushed not to show some outward alarm. "Do your tests, do whatever you like, but I'm fit for duty and you know it."

The physiological side of the brain and body readings McCoy had already taken had made that much clear. Those, and the mind meld Spock had conducted. And, unbelievably, their wasn't a single thing that he – as friend or medical professional – could put his finger on as being an indicator of mental instability. Without a history of being able to control his bodily metabolism and reactions in response to stress, he had nothing with which to formally relieve Kirk of duty. It wasn't that he wanted to, but for his friend's sake, time aside from demands of command should be a must…

"I don't feel good about this," he said finally, "not at all. But there's nought I can do besides – "

"Spock will be there, won't you?" He whipped his head around to where he knew Spock was still faithfully sitting beside him. "The only shift we don't share is the second rotation of alpha, and even then I'll be fine – "

McCoy turned to implore to – no, to involve – a passive Spock. Spock shifted tensely, and rightly so.

"I am well aware of the Captain's limits, and the indications he makes of such limits, whether he does so consciously or not. I will ensure your worries are unfounded. Or, in the least, not given the time to develop."

McCoy wasn't at all reassured, but he sensed it was the best he could expect. For now.

\--

Somehow, Kirk overpowered McCoy and headed to the bridge, already late enough as he was. He'd first had to further assure Spock he could do it, but that had been significantly easier as it simply involved having someone who could stick a finger to his temple to check where his mind was on a scale of turmoil.

When he arrived, it was to Sulu holding his position for him in the command seat. He stopped, momentarily overcome by gratitude. Not only had the bridge team present that morning covered for him, but…

"Thanks, Sulu", he said, taking the vacated seat as Spock entered behind him. He shot him a brief smile, and got back in return what he'd come to think of as a warm look from the dark Vulcan eyes. "Set a direct course for Serenium V, warp 5, Mr Chekov."

\-----

Months later, McCoy was privileged enough to walk into Jim's room one night (on pretence of checking how he now slept, of course) to find Spock already there, curled close to provide the only touch/contact that Jim did not fear or despise inside.

The doctor really didn't know how that pointy-eared bastard could do it when no one else could.

Not that he admitted to himself that he saw it as a privilege.

\-----

Spock put down the chess piece – a knight – he'd been closely examining the design of, and stood to move until he was beside Kirk, who looked up at him quizzically.

He gently tugged at the wrist of the closest gold sleeve, and the captain got to his feet with a slightly wary look marring his young face.

With a determined air, Spock touched his mouth to Kirk's. And left it there.

"Finally", Kirk breathed, pulling back just enough so he could nudge Spock to a better angle with his nose, "I've been waiting for you to do this."

Spock was too content with what they were doing to raise an eyebrow.


End file.
